Memory of the ones passed away...

Dad is the first person that I know that has passed away. Never thought that it will affect my life so deep in a way i might never understand.

Although I know that every dark things reveal itself after it happened, I still feel that I am not ready to accept it.

The truth is somehow to painfull to comprehend. But in order to move on I should just accept that it happened. That he robbed my dad and just left him dad. With no regret whatsoever.

And even now he is ignoring my depressed mom and still try to rob her too.

I just hope karma hits him while i still can open my eyes and see.
See how his children will treat him the same way he did.

Chill

Let go

Move on

Fall into place

This is what i like to believe right now...

Life is like a glass

Exactly how i feel about my family now

Action

Action speaks louder than words

The kids

Although initially they may have their own best interest at heart, they are ultimately & endlessly generous with their time, possessions and love.

There is definitely something to hide...

So the Queen wants to give the crowned prince anything he wants as long as she knows what kind of business he is into. But he never agreed...

Chinese New Year

中国新年快要到了。不知道该怎么办。她很想跟一家人吃饭。但我们已经没有一家人。

很累了。。。

The White Prince

Being the eldest of us three is not always easy. Especially in these times. The hardest time of all. At least, for me...

The fear of facing the crowned prince is somehow clouded with all the ignorance. But as a son, the Queen will always miss talking to him no matter what he did.

Being successful at his job brought a lot of stress. I mean, who does not have stress nowadays? A selfish, dad look-alike wife would not help the situation either.

I remember mourning time in the Grief House for a few days, the wife carried a laptop in the room. I mean, really? Trying so hard to look busy managing this and that... everything that requires internet connection. And yet i had to explain how to know that her laptop is connected to the internet. *sigh*

Well if she can not mourn with us, faking busy is not gonna help.

While the white prince is busy with his job and family, I just hope he can at least call the Queen once in a while. I know that the Queen will always miss him.

And when he is ready, I just wish he can step up to his place and help us...

The silence

Sometimes it is not about you.

The Why

Maybe this is why...
Help me understand Your plan for my life.

The Cast Out

So the Queen and I had decided to start a new life and we can not just stay in the crowned Prince Palace. We need some amount of money that we decided we should sell the broken home office and buy a new house for us to live in. But the home office official papers are in the bank, being borrowed by the crowned Prince.

At first the crowned Prince said he wanted to borrow it for a month only. After that he will return it to the Queen. But it has been 10 months and there are no news from him what so ever. She had brought it up a few times before the cast out. Until that day came.

So the Queen asked again about the papers, and the crowned Prince got angry. He said he will pay the rent for the house for us. Really? After borrowing without thanks, now he still do not want to get the papers out.

The Queen is terrified with his reaction and come up to me. So I said that the Queen has given me all the papers and now the crowned Prince has to deal with me. And he said he wants me out of his house. So I said I will after you handed me those papers. And he go to his office and come back and say, then you do not stay in my room, stay in the dead King's room.

Maybe until now he had not realized that the house, the warehouse and the office are all bought from the shop's money. Which mean it belongs to the family and not just him. And that is how greed can turn you into a monster. Nothing will ever be enough for him until he ripped us off.

I said I do not  want to. He said he does not care, I had to go out. And just run in to the room and throw away all my clothes on the floor. WTF?
And the Queen tried to calm him, and he said the Queen should not touch him. He does not want to be touched by his own mother! Just because of money. The Queen fainted. A week after that we moved out.

I would not let him do that again, ever!

So far, for the favorite son is not the same as he used to be.

And the Queen seeks help from the white Prince. And the white Prince said I can not take you in. Just give all the papers and the shop to the crowned Prince and let him take care of you.

And the Queen is confused again...

As I am trying to keep the shop going, and watching her, I just feel so sad.
Although I never had children, I can only feel a fraction of her feeling right now.
So very disappointed and sad.

A day before we move out, the crowned Prince daughter entered the room said she wants to pick up her daddy's t shirt. And the Queen asked her, why he did not pick up himself? She said she did not know why, she was only been told to pick up a t shirt for her dad to sleep in.

A few minutes after the daughter left. The Queen woke up and walked across the room. She picked up her clothes and give them to me to take care of. And she is anxious to leave the crowned Prince Palace that she could not sleep.

I guess nothing beats a feeling like that. A mother who is unwanted in the presence of her loved son.
Heart broken, disappointed and deeply hurt.

I just wish I would never see that expression again...

This is the lowest point in my life. Homeless with no clue of what may come tomorrow.

The Mourning Queen

The news of the King's death was quite sudden. In fact the queen was just arriving for holiday when the King passed away. The King and the Queen do not stay at the same house. The King stays with the crowned Prince and the Queen lives with me.

As we rushed to the hospital on the Sunday morning, the Queen seems reluctant to go. I thought she already had a very bad feeling. The king has passed away when we get there. From the text the crowned Prince had send me, I already had a bad feeling too. The crowned Prince had found the King dead. No one knows what happened.

As I saw the flat expression of the white Prince when entering the emergency room, I knew something really bad happen. The King's blood on the nose indicated that he had fallen in the face.
He might have a heart attack at the same time. The day before I still forbid him to eat fruits because the King's kidney is in terrible condition.

The Queen was devastated and confused. It all happen so fast. And suddenly we already arranged for the funeral. It was a very tiring day. The Queen was disappointed with the white Prince because he can not take care of the Queen as the oldest Son. Even the white Prince's wife still bring her laptop and take care of her business in the mourning room. Let just say generation gap really happen there.

What the Queen expected is something that the white Prince is not capable of. Or may I say he does not want to do it, and neither did the wife. Which is what makes the Queen sadder than before. As if the King's death is not enough.

The Queen was holding up quite good until she decided to visit her sick sister. She has been very confused after that because her sister is abandoned by her son. And the sister's husband even died because he is angry to his son. And his son send him to solitary and died there.

I think somehow the Queen sees her future like that. After that we moved in to apartment owned by the crowned Prince, and then we move again to the crowned Prince Palace. Which was quite a big mistake. He asked us to move in to take care of his oldest son while he had a holiday in Spain with a daughter, the youngest son and a whore.

Out of all people I think the Queen needs the vacation more than the whore. But you know that is just what men do.

Luckily I have planned a New Year's Eve Holiday for the Queen and me. But I did not expect the Queen's condition degenerated quickly. I just wished I planned the holiday sooner.

The Crowned Prince

The Crowned Prince here is the second son. Although he had the skin of a native here, he was always been the kindest heart. And the key word here is WAS

The Crowned Prince got married first and handle almost all the king's affair. He had 2 sons and a daughter. The first grandson of the king is really loved. Even I fell in love with him from the moment he was born. I, who does not like to be around babies and kids. Life has been good. The crowned prince and family always pick us up every Sunday and spend the day together. It was like a family. The closest thing I had for a family.

Everything take turns when he decided to become a distributor for a certain products. He moved to his own shop and had a warehouse. And as you should know the king facilitate all that. Paying the contracts, payment for buying a place behind the shop, renovation and also pay for the down payment for his new ware house.
Lesson learned: Having a solid book keeping is extraordinary important in the family business. Trust have to be accompanied by responsible report.

After the separation, the king still think of the crowned prince as his son and still help him in every way he can. Including accepting his deliveries and sign it under his name. And deliver the stuff to the crowned prince. Something really stupid I think, because in the end the king has to pay everything he signed. The crowned prince do not want to pay it even if the stuff has already delivered to him.
Lesson learned: Carelessness is really expensive.

He always tell everyone that it was his own money. But the money comes from the shop. So, you know what I mean.
Lesson learned: You can't always trust what other people say about themselves

After making himself a whole new business with his wife, he put his wife in a position above me. Which is weird, since the wife has no experience in business and the prince don't even know how to educate any person. And the worst thing happen.
Lesson learned: Hiring a non qualified worker will cost you more that hiring a suitable one. Ant the cost is billed last.


You see when you put a not qualified person in a position so high, it will make the person so cocky that she will not learn anything. And they got divorced about a year before the king died. The crowned prince had so many mistresses than the wife can handle. And also the wife is probably had other man. But it is their affair, they know better. I don't.
Lesson learned: Family problems are always complicated, never drive yourself into it.

Just feeling so bad about marriage even more. 

The death of the king

The leader of the family or so we called the father passed away in mid June 2014. Although there supposed to be no change in everything as I presumed, I was wrong. Everything changed, everyone changed. The position are all twisted.
Lesson learned: Never assume, always improvise

The background of the king
He was the head of the family who is not responsible for his family. Selfish, arrogant and always angry type. Although there are times when he turned to loving father, the portion is a lot less than the the selfish one. Which is why we the children always scared and angry to him at the same time. The children are two sons and one daughter.
Lesson learned: Do not marry a selfish, arrogant, and angry type. Especially if you do not want your children to be the same. Remember genetic works.

About 2 years ago, the prince decided to go through his own way. Building his own business and take some of the old business's profit along with him. Properties that was bought while the prince was working there was taken along with him too.
Lesson learned: Trust no one.

The king was quite shocked but still trust the prince. After all he is the most successful and close to the king. Trusting him after what had happened appeared to be a great mistake. Because along with time the prince bought stuff from supplier and made the king pay for all of that. And as if that was not enough, he also borrowed the queen's property papers and put it in a bank for loan.
At the time I am writing this, it has not been returned.
Lesson learned: Blind trust costs a lot.

A few months before he passed away, he treated the queen quite nicely. That fact alone made the queen devastated when he died. But she got through the difficult times in a hard way, hoping the sons would stood up and take responsibilities for the queen and daughter. And again, that was a huge mistake.
Lesson learned: Always, I mean always question their motive when someone is being nice to you

To be known that the king died in the crowned prince palace. The king have lived there for almost two years or so, I don't really remember. All I know is that the king always complained to the queen that he was left alone most of the time in the palace. Especially after the prince is divorced and left with three children by his wife. It happened so fast...
Lesson learned: Taking care of someone is not just prepping a house, but also a home. But most people do not understand the difference.

Reason

I am writing this to remind myself of what has happened so that I do not repeat the same mistake again. Since my memory is not very good lately.

I know there are books that said we should not write bad things or remember them because it could affects our life. But if we do not learn from them, well that would be stupid.

Bad experiences do happen for a reason. Those are there to teach us lessons. Either we learned from them or we are doomed to make the same mistake again. My decisions are not perfect but as we move on in our life, I will always try to make it better.

Experience